The Weapons Tag (in which I fling references about willy-nilly while knowing very little about weapons)

Good old tag backlog. When I can’t adequately marshal my words to craft an original blog post (or answer comments, or comment on other people’s fabulous posts – I’m sorry, guys, my brain Just Ain’t Having It, and hopefully it will start Having It again with dispatch), you are always to be depended upon.

Many moons ago, Megan tagged me for the Weapons Tag, created by the Doorman, and I was very excited about it, because even though I know precious little about weapons, have tried and failed epically at knife-throwing, and never seem to get any better at archery despite the many hours I’ve devoted to it over the course of my childhood, they fascinate me. So, many thanks to Megan, and many thanks to the Doorman for creating such an excellent tag.

Because seriously, I’m excited about this tag.

That’s why I put off doing it for months on end.

It makes sense.

Sword image

When it comes to weapons, of course, you should always be safe and law-abiding, so let us list the rules.  These are not to be skipped and not to be disregarded, lest you sink to disgrace, dishonor, and bullet holes where you’d really rather there weren’t bullet holes. (Does anyone else always skip reading the rules when reading tag posts? Well, shame on you.  And shame on me, because same.)

RULES OF COMBAT: 

1. Use the above picture or a similar picture of a sword.
2. Thank the person who tagged you and provide a link to their post.
3. Answer the 7 questions as best you can.
4. Tag 3 other bloggers if possible.
5. Close out the post making some statement or other to glorify the King of Kings.

ENTERING THE LISTS:

If you had to choose any one medieval weapon for combat, what would it be and why?

I suppose it would be a longbow.  My bow is a recurve, but stepping from that to the longbow shouldn’t be too hard (or at any rate I don’t remember Ranger’s Apprentice making a big deal about it, and considering Ranger’s Apprentice’s propensity for making big deals about things, that probably means it isn’t too hard – they’re both bows, after all, and I imagine the distribution of tension in the draw is roughly the same, not like those dreadful ugly compound bows) as long as I learn to tie the knots right.  Also, I really enjoy archery even though I’m terrible at it.  And…surely, eventually, all the practice would pay off? Surely?

I’ve made my left forearm black and blue, created bloody lumps on my right index finger (it is now slightly deformed and shows no signs of ever going back to normal), frozen my fingers off, searched endlessly for lost arrows, and almost shot the cat. I refuse to believe it wouldn’t eventually bear fruit in my becoming a second Robin Hood.

OH, YES. ROBIN HOOD.  Yes, I would definitely choose the longbow.  Because Robin Hood.

(Also, it’s a long-distance weapon, which means I am less likely to be crushed by others’ superior strength in the course of the fight.)

If you had to choose any one post-medieval weapon for combat, what would it be and why?

One of those old gangster automatic gun things. I could carry it around in my violin case, and every time people joked about it (because this happens like every time you carry your violin into a public place), I would be quietly warmed inside by the delicious irony.

I’d start smoking cigars too, so as to be Hannibal.

(Although the A-Team and gangsters of the sort who carried machine guns, being from totally different eras, don’t have the same guns. But they both fire rapidly and shake a lot, so I really perceive no difference.)

If you had to choose to die from a blow/shot from some weapon or other, what would it be and why?

Dear me, what a morbid question.  A rather interesting one, though. There is such romance in perishing on the end of a sword…but then, getting shot by a bunch of orc-arrows while protecting hobbits is a great way to die too.

Although both those sound rather painful, not to mention hobbits are in short supply in my corner of the world.  I think I will be practical and go with a rifle-shot to the heart region. Then I could squeak, “Oh! He got me!” like Roquefort the Mouse before summarily expiring.

It would be a fitting end. They would engrave on my tombstone: “Ridiculous in Death as in Life; with Doubtful Taste in Literature, and No Conception of When Matters Are Too Serious for Joking.”

If you could design your own personal weapon (whether logical or not), what would it be like and how would it work? What would you call it?

I’d build a chariot, acquire a team of pegasi to draw it, paint the wheels with poppies, and conceal a secret substance within them. The rotation of the wheels would, by a mechanical contrivance, cause the secret substance to spew out upon my enemies.  It would be some sort of drug that makes you sleep, and thus all my enemies would drop in their tracks at my passing. Which is a great aesthetic, and also great for not having to kill your enemies to defeat them.  Ain’t nobody wants to kill nobody ’round here.

I would also make sure the secret substance smelled like poppies, for aesthetics.

And I’d call it the Chariot of Morpheus.

If you were in a battle, what era of weapons would you desire most to be fighting with and why?

The era (ancient China??) where everybody is an expert kung fu staff fighter. Because that’s just cool. (Not to mention I stand a much better chance with weapons where skill matters far more than brute strength, and I do at least know some basic blocks and stuff from my martial-arts-obsessed little sister. My special move, if you want to know, is Stumbling Over My Own Feet, and I’m really really good at it.)

If you were to lead a charge, what would your battle cry be?

I would steal from the Smiths, shouting, “Sic semper draconis!” at my enemies as I thwacked them.

With pillows.

Because a pillow fight is the only conceivable situation in which I would lead a charge, and while sic semper draconis is rather an insulting thing to shout at pillow-fight enemies (which is just another word for friends), it’s also too good of a battle cry not to use, some way or another. And pillow-fight enemies are the sort of friends who understand such things.

Is your preferred style of combat physical, conversational, or mental?  Are you more prone to do one as to the other despite your preferences?

Conversational is the only one I really do?  And I do it rather a lot.  “Why don’t you go be a lawyer and get paid for arguing, since you like it so much?” is a question commonly cast my way by weary, disgusted family members.

Conversational combat is quite exhilarating, really. You have to be on your toes.  You’re always one failure to think of a witty retort away from defeat.

So, although I’d probably enjoy mental combat (and probably die if thrown into physical combat), I think conversational combat might well prove to be my favorite.


AFTERMATH:

I hereby tag Eden, Elisha, and the Story Sponge, if they want to do it. If not, that’s okay too, I can always find somebody else to force a gunfight o – that is to say, that’s okay.

The twenty-fourth psalm has been going through my head a lot lately, and it fits really well with this topic and the final injunction of THE RULES, so how about we end with a short passage from it?

Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be lift up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in.

Who is this King of glory? The LORD strong and mighty, the LORD mighty in battle.

Lift up your heads, O ye gates; even lift them up, ye everlasting doors; and the King of glory shall come in.

Who is this King of glory? The LORD of hosts, he is the King of glory.

Author: sarahseele

A Christian, cat owner, college kid, and writer. Fond of stories. Fond of rain.

13 thoughts on “The Weapons Tag (in which I fling references about willy-nilly while knowing very little about weapons)”

  1. This is spectacular! Becoming a second Robin Hood as a worthy aspiration. A morbid question about how you want to die? Wonderful! And morbid humor! My favorite. Dying to save hobbits is probably the most wholesome form of death out there.
    “Because a pillow fight is the only conceivable situation in which I would lead a charge.” I love it.
    Thanks muchly for the tag! I will add it to my tag back log- and when it comes up, I will attempt to answer these questions even though I know nothing whatsoever about weapons! I don’t think I’ve ever held a weapon. Except kitchen knives. And hatchets. But really though. I know nothing. Should be fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Sponge!
      I know, my aspirations are all very admirable. (It is the living up to them part that proves difficult.)
      Also, yes, the questions are grand, and I LOVE MORBID HUMOUR TOO.
      I have no doubt it will be fun to read, and kitchen knives and hatchets CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS THOUGH, so you’re practically an expert. I’ve definitely cut myself with a kitchen knife more than any other weapon. And Treebeard probably considers your hatchet one of the most deadly weapons there is.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Ooh! I love your invented weapon!! THE AESTHETIC. *swoons*

    Longbows are extremely cool but I’ve heard they take a LOT of strength. I really want to learn to fight with a sword, for the aesthetic, but it takes a lot of work and I’m not sure I have that in me! 🙂

    Being a historical Chinese martial artist WOULD be very cool. Sometimes I wish I lived in a different era, not because I dislike this one, but just because think of all the different lives we could have led if we were born under different circumstances! The possibilities are fun to think about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hehe I’m glad you like it. 😊

      Ohhh yeah. I forgot that they require a lot of strength…maybe I could become strong enough? Or just have a small bow with less of a range? Must think about this.
      For THE AESTHETIC, yes! 😂 I love swords. I have learned how to fence (just the basics) and that’s not hard, but swinging a broadsword around has got to require so much muscle…

      WOULDN’T IT, THOUGH?
      Yes, I love thinking about that! I’m kind of glad I don’t get to pick what era I live in, though, because it’d be so hard. There are so many cool ones. (But also it’s great to have antibiotics and equal rights for women, so like, yeah. XD I’m pretty attached to my own era too.)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. (Firstly: My brain also has periods of Nope, Just Ain’t Having It, and I’m so relieved to see it’s not just me…)

    This is such a cool tag, and your answers all made me think “ah, yes, me too!” or “…well I WOULD say that if I had thought of it, that’s genius”. *cough* Chariot of Morpheus, wouldn’t ever have thought of that, but WOW. Genius.

    And you’re right, Sarah, after so much practice it’s only fair that you become Robin Hood?? (Archery is SO EPIC and I have done it exactly once with an actual bow. *salty tears because I wish to be one of the Merry Men*)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. (I feel so much better. Being busy is a great excuse, but Nope-Just-Aint-Having-It Brain seems like…not as great of an excuse? But IT IS A REAL THING, CONFIRMED. There are at least two of us!)

      I know, I loved it! Ahh, thank you. I…I really kind of actually want that weapon and I’m sad it doesn’t exist.

      That’s what I’m sayinnnng! And I wish reality would listen, but alas, reality does its own thing and laughs in one’s face. (Aw that’s sad. You should do more archery! I must smuggle you a bow, or you must carve one out of the bush, or something! [Bro, whenever pigs get around to flying, I’ll go ahead and become Robin Hood and would you like to be my first recruit? We shall bring the Merry Men back from the mists of legend to wage war against tyranny and writer’s block.])

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Haha oh Sarah your last words. And your tombstone. (I consider anybody worthy of having that inscription on their grave undisputedly admirable, by the way. Refusing to take things seriously CAN be quite the virtue.) (Maybe not when somebody ELSE gets a bullet to the heart region? But when you yourself can joke at your own demise, man. Talk about heroism.)

    Bows are so cool. Your commitment to archery is likewise admirable.

    *blinks in awe at the Chariot of Morpheus*

    And your closing statement. ❤

    I'm so glad you did this tag.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. (Ha. That’s an interesting position. I know I have often found it very heartwarming when people joke about their own misfortunes/death, but heroic – I’m not so sure. I don’t know. I see it as a quality more of personality than of character…BUT, I suppose the right amount of levity is a quality of God’s character? Or at least Chesterton speculates that it is in Orthodoxy? So you’re probably right.) (Haha. Oh my goodness. I’m imagining somebody standing over the corpse of his friend – “hey, buddy, work on your dodges! You didn’t even try on that one!” What a horrible human being xD [why is this so funny to me, help])

      Thank you. *bows* Bows ARE incredibly cool. I would like to know who came up with them.

      *offers you a ride with casual magnanimity*

      I love that psalm ❤️

      I’m so glad you tagged me!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow this is so awesome!
    Becoming a Robin Hood is truly one of the highest of aspirations.
    And is it morbid that I laughed out loud at your preferred method of death? Because what better way to die than to squeak out, “Oh! He got me!” xD
    *blinks rapidly at the Chariot of Morpheus description* That sounds epic. You’ve sold me. I want one.
    *clears throat* *declares in Aragorn-speech-voice* I have recovered enough from laughter to join your pillow fighting campaign, my friend! *screams SIC SEMPER DRACONIS*
    And thank you for tagging me! This will be such a delight to do one day in the foreseeable future when my brain is mushy. *cracks knuckles*

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Why, thank you. (Or, perhaps the Doorman should be thanking you. He came up with the fabulous tag after all.)

      Indeed. Ours is a high and lonely destiny, my boy……which is a quote from the wrong story but whatever.

      Ah, good. The first batch of Chariots of Morpheus are currently being manufactured and we will send yours out to you as soon as you place your order. We’re very happy to number you among our clients and hope this will mark the beginning of a long and mutually profitable business partnership.

      SIC SEMPER DRACONIS! *charges madly down the room at your side*

      You’re welcome! Haha yes, I love tags for mushy-brain days! I look forward (very much) to seeing your answers!

      Like

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